My Blogging Struggles

Mainly it comes down to this tension: I want to be myself and I want to be accepted.

I can be myself and write for me. Until I think about the people reading my blog, and then I worry about opinions, judgements, and expectations. The pressure makes me want to stop blogging.

I have blog intimacy issues. I can do the whole hello, nice to meet you, what do you do, and then I leave. I’ve had about 30 blogs. I start them; I delete them. I get excited about choosing a blog name, a tagline, topic, and theme. Then I either get bored or scared and I stop posting.

I can play the blogging game. I can write posts that get comments and make a blog get followers. It’s fun. I’m accepted. I please my audience. But it isn’t me. I get bored with the game.

I can also be me. If I’m anonymous and use a pseudonym. I can be open and vulnerable, but then I get sucked into playing the game again when I get comments and followers. I start to write to please my audience.

Not a single one of my blogs has lasted. I fear the same thing will happen with this one. I always have grand plans to post every day and keep one blog for the rest of my life, but I no longer trust myself. I want to keep this blog and post regularly, but I have a pattern of failing and I don’t know if I can achieve it.

I suck at blog commitment. How many blogs and posts and connections have I wasted because I wanted the thrill of starting a new blog?

It makes me not want to start a blog. But I still want to be me. I still want to write. I still want to express myself. And I still believe there is value in doing these things, not only for myself but for others.

So here I am in the tension: wanting to express myself, yet not wanting judgement. I guess the question is: Which one do I want more?

I can impress. I can play the game. I can get followers and comments. But I won’t be me. I won’t be writing what I want to write. Do I want the stats or do I want to be me?

I want to express myself. Which means I have to accept myself and not worry if people don’t accept me. If I can accept myself—my writing, my honesty, my self-expression—then maybe this will be the blog that lasts.

What are your blogging struggles?

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35 thoughts on “My Blogging Struggles

  1. I hope that this advice helps you a bit ….. when I began my blog 4 years ago, I feared eyes reading my blog and the opinions or comment or lack thereof even scared me (will anyone care) …. but I will say this, my blog and my writing have healed me in so many ways …USE YOUR VOICE to write and be who you want to be.. this is not about other people… this is about you and what desires you have to write about….

    Its not about the stats, or how many likes, its about YOU and what YOU get from it. You have a lovely blog and the more you write authentically from your heart, people will follow because you are being you.

    As far as not being able to keep a blog you have started…make this the one you commit to .. keep working at it ..

    it all comes down to- what do you want from your blog? not thinking of others, what do you want to get from it, and go from there 🙂

    Also you just writing about this shows you want something to be different this time 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much for the advice. All very good points. I definitely went into this blog with the focus of just being me and writing my heart with my voice. One of my mottos now is to: Remember why I write. Not for stats or to be liked, but to share my heart and find true words.
      That point about this post showing there’s something different this time – I like that. It feels different. In a good way.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m just starting out with this blog and I’ve already found myself looking at my stats more than daily and worrying about my specific posts. The PR major in me loves to research my engagement and impressions. But I need to remember that I chose to write this blog to practice writing and have some documentation of my college days. Hopefully you can work through your struggles too!

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    1. It can be so addictive looking at those stats. But also so very time-wasting and unnecessary. Love your reasons for blogging. Sounds great. I think the best think for us bloggers is to just blog for ourselves first and foremost.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Do you have a blogging schedule? I’m not sure if I should post daily, every second day, or once a week. At the moment I’ve got so much I want to write that sometimes I want to post multiples times a day. But then I’ve learnt from other blogs I’ve had that sometimes there are dry spells and a lack of inspiration to write new posts.

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  3. Instead of posting multiple times a day, you could save those extra posts as drafts and then you have them ready to post on the “dry spell” days.

    I think most writers struggle with fear of judgement. I know I do. I think you should forget about the comments and likes and what people think (as hard as that is) and write for yourself. Just for you. Be yourself. If you approach it that way, I think you will be successful.

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    1. That’s what I’ve been doing at the moment. My series on what I’ve learnt about pain and identity was all written a little while ago and now I’m posting them as the intermittently as I write other posts. Only thing is, I’m not sure if the posts make as much sense this way, but not worrying too much. Just writing is fun!
      Definitely want to keep telling myself to just write for me. It’s the most fun that way. Love it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. First of all, please don’t delete this blog! 😀

    I think creative endeavors in general contain this kind of struggle. As a creator, an artist, a writer, painter etc. somewhere along the way you would feel this struggle between sticking out to the original reason why you create (which is usually for the simple joy and liberation of expressing yourself through your craft) and measuring your worth through external validation.

    But eventually, I think, for those who persevere, they learn that being authentic is really the only path to unconditional satisfaction and bliss – and not to mention, success. Eventually they also realize that by being authentic they attract everything that resonate with them until they no longer have to feel the contradiction between wanting to be authentic and wanting to find a community of like-minded people.

    Just write what you want and enjoy the connections you make through your writing. We can never be everything to everyone. 🙂 Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope I don’t ever delete this blog. I would love a self-hosted blog one day though with my own domain name. I did that before but made a huge mistake since I couldn’t afford it and didn’t have the technical skill either. But it was good to learn from the process and I’m much happier with this free blog.
      I love your insights – they really help. It’s such a great thing to keep in mind – persevere until no longer feeling the contradiction. That’s brilliant.
      I think that matches up with the idea I’ve been thinking about where just because there may some mixed motivations for doing something, push past the bad motivations and keep doing them for the good motivations, rather than just stopping altogether.
      Writing what I want to write and enjoying it!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I absolutely relate to what you’re saying. I started my blog anonymously because I felt like I could better express myself if nobody knew who I was, but over time I realized that frankly I don’t care if people know who I am. Because of my profession as a teacher I still don’t plaster my name all over the blog, but plenty of my colleagues and even parents of students read it. I write for me, and I don’t worry about the number (although I certainly get a kick out of them!). Good luck!!
    BB

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    1. I loved one of my anonymous blogs. It gave me so much freedom. I thought about being anonymous with this blog but I realized I want to be free being me, not free being anonymous. So this means showing my face and name and not worrying what people think. If I’m worried what people think then I’m not free at all. Thanks so much for sharing and the encouragement. I think it’s awesome when people can just be themselves and are brave enough to risk the judgement.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve just discovered your blog and so far I enjoy your writing. We all have different purposes with our blog writing as do you. So continue to write and don’t give up on it. I feel the same sometimes but then I stumble across posts like these which make me think that I’m not alone in the way I’m feeling. So keep it up and be you.

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    1. I love all the different reasons people have for writing and blogging. It’s one of the most versatile tools. Will always write, just hope I stick with this blog and not get bored of it or scared. Just being me and writing my truth.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I definitely hear you, I was so worried about being exposed and vulnerable when I started my blog, but then I realized that the whole point is for me to write for ME. Not anyone else. It took me a while to understand that fully and really follow it, but I did, and it feels great!

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  8. I totally get you. I recently started my blog and I already don’t have any idea what to write. Should it be about my feelings or should it be something that helps other people who come across my blog? I still haven’t established a certain pattern for my blog posts. I’m still so clueless. There’s a part of me that wants to right about my life & emotions but I fear rejection. I guess it’s the same for everyone. You’re not alone 🙂
    Also, glad I came across your blog! Thanks for following me.

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    1. I’ve tried so many different styles. I think it helped in the end. It wasn’t a waste trying everything. There are still other types of posts I’d like to write but at the moment I’ve worked out I just want to share my truth, so I’m sticking with that. So experiment and see what feels most real and true to you and what you want to write. What makes you most excited to write.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I started writing my blog because I wanted to express myself too. I love the idea of people reading my blog, but I haven’t shared it with any of my friends! I have this niggly fear of what they might think, people who mean a lot to me, or (maybe worse?) if they might not bother to think about it at all… Do others share their blogs with friends and family?

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    1. Some do, some don’t. I’ve tried both. I think what I have to keep remembering is why I write/blog. It’s for me to be myself and so it doesn’t matter what people think. My desire to express myself is finally outweighing my fear of of being judged, since judgement will come. I’m just trying to accept it now.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I guess I have a slightly different take here. I blog because I do want people to read it. If I’m writing just for me (and my prayers to God), then I journal. To me, that’s the difference, and that’s how I’m treating my blog: journaling is private, and blogging is for an audience. So then I must trust God for the readership – I don’t want to blog for numbers, but for readers who might benefit. And since I don’t know who those folks are, I can’t be about the stats, but about my content. Of course, I’ve only been blogging since January, so we’ll see where this is in another year😉!

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    1. Love all the different reasons people write and blog. It’s so fascinating. I definitely write for me in my journals but what I’m doing at the moment is taking sections of journal entries and blogging them. I just edit them a bit so that they’re coherent and make sense to someone else. Then I’m trusting that by sharing my journey in such a real/raw way, it will speak to people. Not everyone, but the ones who can relate to my journey. I think if we all wrote our journeys, there would be people who could relate and not one person would miss out on reading words that speak to them.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. What an honest post! Thank you for sharing!

    I have wanted to blog for about 8 years before I actually began 6 months ago…For a few months I had a private blog I titled “The blog nobody reads…” it was more like a journal really…it took me a long time to discover what I was passionate about, which was my struggle…I wanted to help people in some way, and so I needed to find a blogging topic I could feel like I was giving back somehow…it took years…but I now feel I have something to give. I spent all that time “in waiting” working on my writing skills, and writing every single day for almost 8 years…

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. In the six months I have spent writing, my blog has changed so much…you learn to flow with the creativity and adapt. And if you have to close shop and start over again…it’s not a failure, but a learning experience…you take with you all of the experience you have gathered from all of those blogs and start over or do something completely different, but you keep that experience forever…and by the way, you write very well. Your writing is engaging and interesting to read.

    I’m glad to have found you! Wishing you all the best!

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    1. That private blog sounds awesome. It can be a long process, can’t it. I love that you wrote every single day for so long. I think all my writing practice has been done in my journals and they definitely have helped me find my voice and what I want to write about. And I’m learning to be okay with hoe I change and letting the blog change with me and not worrying about having a ‘perfect’ blog, but just one that reflects me.
      Thank you so much for this encouraging comment!!!

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    2. That private blog sounds awesome. It can be a long process, can’t it. I love that you wrote every single day for so long. I think all my writing practice has been done in my journals and they definitely have helped me find my voice and what I want to write about. And I’m learning to be okay with hoe I change and letting the blog change with me and not worrying about having a ‘perfect’ blog, but just one that reflects me.
      Thank you so much for this encouraging comment!!!

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  12. I originally wrote an insanely long comment here, but decided to delete it and turn it into a blog post haha. The gist, however, is that when I was about 19 I threw away 5 years of journals (about 20 books) because I felt as though I had written them without really knowing my own voice, always as though someone would come along and read them at any point and I would be shamed by their content.

    I started a couple of blogs and deleted them and then eventually started my current blog anonymously about two years ago. then I deactivated it for over a year because I couldn’t handle my boyfriend reading the posts and then bringing them up with me.

    But things are different now. For a variety of reasons, I have really found my voice and found the courage to use it and not be stifled. It took a long time (I’m 30 now) so be patient with yourself. I hope that you will continue to blog here out in the open, but even if not don’t be discouraged. You’ll find your courage and your voice. I’m sure of it.

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    1. That’s awesome – hehe. I’ve done that a few times, I have to admit. Wow, I would be horrified if my journals were thrown out. Argh! I’ve always felt my journals are where my truest voice is but as soon as I write on a public platform, my voice changes. So I love channeling my journal voice on this blog as much as I can. Often my journal entries end up being blog drafts, but I only work that out after I’ve written them since my journal is for my eyes only.
      Love that you’ve found your voice, that’s so great. Definitely learning to be patient and to just enjoy the journey instead of seeking perfection. Thank you so much for the encouragement!

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  13. Juni – apparently I followed one of your earlier blogs (I found this one by Googling your name). Under the free stuff, why do you not have The Giver’s Manifesto? Have you reread it recently? It’s still good. In fact, you could create a small give away book from it.

    I know it’s hard to believe in your own work, but you have good things. Don’t let your self doubts blow them away. When they come, look at them and kindly say “thanks for the input” then go back to your business and ignore them.

    It gets easier with practice.

    Nancy

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    1. Hey, wow, good job finding me again. Not sure which blog you followed, I had so many – eek! I am planning to include the Giver’s Manifesto but was going to give launching it properly a go and see if some people would share it on social media at the time I post it on my blog. Just haven’t organised anything yet. Thank you so much for the encouragement. It means a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

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