I read this question on page 30 of Eat Pray Love. It got me thinking like this:
At this very moment . . .
I don’t want a house. Owning a house isn’t something I think about. It doesn’t interest me. Having a room is fine. A house is too much money, anyway. If I had that much money I wouldn’t want to spend it on a house. I’d rather buy a library. I spend a lot of time planning, dreaming, and assessing my budget so I can buy books. But I never plan, dream, or assess my budget to buy a house.
I don’t want a nine-to-five job. I don’t even think I want a job where I work for someone else. The thought of being told how to spend my days, when to turn up, and when I can have holidays depresses me. I don’t want to be a person who looks forward to the weekend. I want to look forward to every day. I want to work. But I don’t want the typical nine-to-five model of work.
I don’t want to get married. The thought of getting married makes me feel like I’m in a prison. I don’t want to share a bed, or a doona, or even a room; I like my space. And I don’t want my actions to affect someone else so deeply. They already affect me too deeply. I don’t want to be a me-and-someone-else. I’m too overwhelmed trying to learn how to be with me to be able to try to be with someone else.
And if I ever did get married and have a wedding, I don’t want to wear white. I want to wear blue because that’s my favourite colour. I don’t want to do things just because everyone else does them or because it’s what society expects.
I don’t want kids. I don’t want to get up during the night to feed them or get up early to take them to school. Kids take a lot of effort, and I’d rather put my effort into creating art, serving the community and supporting a cause.
I don’t even want a car. I’d rather live in a society that didn’t need cars.
Part of me thinks this sounds selfish and childish. Do I need to get over myself and grow up? Sometimes I tell myself that’s what I need to do.
I know things might change but, honestly, if I’m going to embrace me, then I have to embrace the fact that right now I don’t want what most people around me want. I can’t wait to accept myself until I ‘grow up’ and my life looks like everyone else’s. Maybe one day I’ll want all these things I’m supposed to want, but I have to accept myself now.
If I was being all lofty and impressive, I’d say the 3 things I want most out of life are to glorify God, love people, and help bring heaven to earth.
But if I’m honest, at this very moment, what I want most is to read, write, and draw.
Combing these two lists might look like magic and be my truest answer.