I haven’t cried these last few days. The feeling-like-a-teardrop mood has lifted. I think writing about self-acceptance helped because now I can remember that even if life is a mess, I can accept myself instead of go to pieces.
Reading Eat Pray Love is also helping me. I know why I was drawn to reading it—I wanted to read the words of someone who would understand my teardrop stage. But Liz not only understands it; she’s given me words to explain what I’m going through and the path to heal from it.
She lost herself to her partners. I lost myself to my duties. Until I didn’t know who I was anymore. She showed me that I became a teardrop because I had an identity crisis. She showed me that it’s okay for me to take the time to regain my strength from this shattering of self.
She gained strength by going to Italy and eating Italian food and speaking the Italian language. It’s all she wanted to do, and these pleasures allowed her to experience good things in her life when her world was being torn down and rebuilt.
I turned to reading and drawing. These pleasures were the only things I felt like doing. They were lifelines. They were my floaties when I was bobbing under waves and crashing into rocks. I didn’t know it at the time, but Liz showed me there were my ways of regaining strength.
She showed me that getting some strength back is an essential step in the healing process.
Then she showed me that love changes everything. You can go through anything if you know who you are and you love that person. And the only way I can love myself is by knowing the strength of God’s love for me. His love is fierce. It roars like a lion. It’s making a dent. It’s what I need to hear. And I heard it through Eat Pray Love when Liz was meditating in an ashram in India.
This book is just so timely. Our circumstances were different but we went through the similar experiences. Now all I can do in this time while I regain my strength and heal is love myself with a love that is so fierce that it is unshakable. A love that is so fierce that I am unshakable.