Fierce Love

I haven’t cried these last few days. The feeling-like-a-teardrop mood has lifted. I think writing about self-acceptance helped because now I can remember that even if life is a mess, I can accept myself instead of go to pieces.

Reading Eat Pray Love is also helping me. I know why I was drawn to reading it—I wanted to read the words of someone who would understand my teardrop stage. But Liz not only understands it; she’s given me words to explain what I’m going through and the path to heal from it.

She lost herself to her partners. I lost myself to my duties. Until I didn’t know who I was anymore. She showed me that I became a teardrop because I had an identity crisis. She showed me that it’s okay for me to take the time to regain my strength from this shattering of self.

She gained strength by going to Italy and eating Italian food and speaking the Italian language. It’s all she wanted to do, and these pleasures allowed her to experience good things in her life when her world was being torn down and rebuilt.

I turned to reading and drawing. These pleasures were the only things I felt like doing. They were lifelines. They were my floaties when I was bobbing under waves and crashing into rocks. I didn’t know it at the time, but Liz showed me there were my ways of regaining strength.

She showed me that getting some strength back is an essential step in the healing process.

Then she showed me that love changes everything. You can go through anything if you know who you are and you love that person. And the only way I can love myself is by knowing the strength of God’s love for me. His love is fierce. It roars like a lion. It’s making a dent. It’s what I need to hear. And I heard it through Eat Pray Love when Liz was meditating in an ashram in India.

This book is just so timely. Our circumstances were different but we went through the similar experiences. Now all I can do in this time while I regain my strength and heal is love myself with a love that is so fierce that it is unshakable. A love that is so fierce that I am unshakable.

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16 thoughts on “Fierce Love

  1. Beautiful. Just beautiful. And very inspirational.
    You caught me on the right foot. I really needed this. Thanks for sharing. We´ll go through this together. We got this. i have the same problems as you. and I think I´ll have to read that book. <3<3<3

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    1. Thank you! So glad this was something that spoke to you. Love journeying together. Knowing you’re not alone is the biggest comfort. Hope you like the book. It’s not everyone’s favourtie. Some people think Liz is too whiny but I love her honesty that encourages me to be honest.

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      1. I´m so sorry I´m replying so late…
        I´ll definitely read that! It´s on my list! I´ll just build my own opinion. And I think now and then it´s okay to be a little whiney, if that´s being honest I have no problem with it, as long as you whole life isn´t composed of whining;-)
        Also, yes it is such a comfort, I´m so happy about that. All you write is just amazing. I haven´t gotten around to reading your last posts, (you post so often!!;-) but that´s a good thing, just a little too fast for me..) once this crazy week is over and I have some time, I definitely will! XO

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        1. No worries at all. Sorry for the frequent posts – hehe. I used to blog multiple times a day with one of my old blogs. When I get on a writing roll, it all just comes out. So I’m restraining myself to one post per day.

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  2. Juni, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been sad. But I LOVE the fact that you are discovering your worth in God and learning to love yourself. I have written two books and in the last one I share my struggles that lead me to this same truth – I didn’t love myself. It is crucial to one’s well-being. I’m glad we connected. I have developed a love for art all of a sudden, but I’m horrible. Maybe you have some pointers. Great blog site. You hang in there. YOU ARE LOVED 🙂

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    1. Thank you so much for this great comment. I’m so grateful for the sad times now, but only with hindsight. The journey is amazing and God is a genius. I always knew we should love ourselves, but I always sort of rolled my eyes at it. I guess it took a real experience for me to understand how important it is. Glad we connected too. What kind of art do you like?

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  3. I know what you mean by self-acceptance. It gave me a freedom I never knew existed! I have such a profound peace and overall contentment. I say contentment because I wonder if I have the ability to love, at least, in the traditional sense. I didn’t have the building blocks of a loving and supportive family. I met a woman from Al-anon who explained it like this: Growing up without love as similar to someone who was born without an arm. They don’t know what it’s like to have one yet they still function normally. In spite of my obstacles, I am quite satisfied with whom I have become. And who I’m still becoming. That’s a life-long process don’t you think?

    Wow, I really got sidetracked, sorry.

    Anyway, I wanted to express to you that I can totally relate to self-acceptance and it’s healing powers. You are so blessed to have found that at such a young age. I’ve only been gifted with the privilege since I was in my 30’s (along with years of therapy, a couple psych wards and a handful of self-help books).

    I also wanted to tell you that the short summary below your name is one of the best descriptions I have heard in a VERY long time. (As a matter of fact, I was on Twitter earlier tonight reading profiles & following people. Their profiles were so ridiculous I became self-conscience and deleted my own. I wrote a simple Hi and added a few hashtags). Back to your summary, the words that really affected me the most were these: “The world is fascinating, people are amazing, learn from everything, live with meaning. Journey through awe and darkness, beauty and pain, with gritty love and raw honesty.” I am living these words! Especially the “raw honesty”. I’ve recently made the decision to become totally transparent in my online presence. And I mean RAW!!! I am so tired of fakes and phonies and backstabbers and liars! I want to be genuine I want to offer something refreshing!

    Sorry, I did not mean for this to be so long.

    What I really wanted to relate to you is how intensely I identify with what you had to say about how the book, how it affected you and your healing process.

    I admire you for learning such profitable lessons and at such a young age. You are wise beyond your years and you will be revered by your children and your children’s children. You will leave a brilliant legacy behind for them to cherish forever.

    I feel like you have given me a rare and precious treasure with meaning so in-depth I was moved to write a book in your comment section so I could reasonably express how much your words have touched me. I’m so glad I came upon your blog today and got to share your experiences. It’s not very every day I am gifted with something with so much value.

    You have enhanced my consciousness. You have refreshed my spirit. You have moved my soul.

    Thank-you Juni Desireé

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    1. This is the most amazing comment – thank you so much for sharing! It means so much and your words are precious to me. I love it when I find writing/books that I relate to intensely, so I’m blown away that I could write something like that for you. I think everyone can and that if we all just shared our stories and were real, so many people would be able to relate and experience the same feeling of a refreshed spirit and feeling like they received a gift. I love it!!!!!
      I love the journey and I love sharing it.

      Liked by 1 person

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