A quote from Sigmund Freud spoke to me when I read one of the last pages of Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink.
Freud’s idea is that in some decisions, weighing up pros and cons and using the rational mind is best, but in more important matters, such as choosing a profession, the decision is best left to the unconscious – to something somewhere in us.
The thought I got from this was that I’ve relied on the pros-and-cons method my whole life, but now I’m learning to listen to that unconscious inner voice and follow it. That thing inside me that I can’t explain but I know is there.
The quote fits where I’m at right now with what I’m learning. As I go on this journey of discovering myself, my purpose, my direction, and profession, I’m no longer looking for guidance by collecting more information from outside voices. That’s all I did this year. I took courses, bought resources, and tried to do things the way other people do them.
What I found is that it didn’t work because it wasn’t me.
I was given the opportunity to be part of a life-coaching group recently. A few months ago and I would have been so excited to join this group, but a few days ago it felt like pressure. I feel like I’m information overloaded, and I’m sick of trying to live up to all these courses, life coaching tools, and checklists that other people give me.
So I declined the offer to be part of the group. Before this, I also cancelled a writing course I’d been paying for monthly, and I deleted my self-hosted blog.
Now I’m just trusting this thing inside me, listening to my own voice, and going on this journey.
One of my questions is: what do I want to learn? At the moment, I want to learn me.
I want to learn not to worry what people think and not to stress about my purpose. I’ve been so stressed about doing what God’s called me to do and trying to make a difference, but I just need to strip everything back and chill out.
I need to learn to let go of that big plan for my life. Instead of trying to force it and fretting that I’m not doing enough, I need to learn to give God the control and trust that my purpose will flow out of simply being who he created me to be and spending time with him.
So, my focus for 2016 is to learn to be me and to enjoy God.