Embracing Emotions

Up until last year I used to say that I didn’t have feelings. I’d even go as far as to say that I had a cold heart. I took pride in it because I didn’t want feelings. I was sceptical of them. I didn’t trust them or value them. I put my faith in my mind, in the rational world.

So I’ve never been a typical emotional girl. I’m the cool, calm and collected type. But to think I had no emotions at all was a mistake. I’m learning that I simply suppressed them.

Last year when I felt truly depressed and anxious, I became an emotional wreck. The depression has eased but I’m still left with emotions.

I feel like I’ve gone the other way. Instead of thinking I have no emotions, I now feel like all I am is emotion. This is so new. I’m emotional. I’ve never said that in my life before.

I don’t know how to handle them. They can become so overwhelming and control me. Because my emotions are so strong, I come to believe them. They become my truth. But my brain knows they aren’t truth. So it’s hard to be in this place. It feels like I’m two people.

It’s like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. I go from being fine to being anxious really quickly. One minute I don’t have an anxious thought and the next I’ll be picturing putting my head through a glass window. The contrast between the two extremes is confusing.

I took the MBTI test again this week and I came out as an INFJ. And I’m an ISTJ! So this just shows me how new this all is for me.

I actually relate to a lot of the INFJ profile. I have strong beliefs that I’m active about living, I love connecting with people, and I have a passion for helping and giving. And I do feel things very deeply; I just never expressed my emotions.

I think the lingering anxiety makes me super sensitive to little things though. Since I’m in an emotionally fragile state to begin with, I guess anything can set me off.

So I’m looking forward to talking to a psychologist about all this and seeing if I can reign in my thoughts and feelings.

The good thing is I’m no longer feeling guilty about all this. I’m trying to embrace my feelings, value them, and express them in creative ways. I’m extremely intrigued by it all, actually, and I’m excited to explore it further.

I’m hoping this can help me become a more rounded human being with a balance between the rational and emotional parts of me.

Are you emotional?

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17 thoughts on “Embracing Emotions

  1. I’ve often had that same emotional roller coaster going on. One thing I’ve noticed that I do is push people away when I get too close to them so I won’t be rejected or hurt. I’m not good at being vulnerable. But I also tend to either say too little or say too much to people. I know that people are uncomfortable around me because I’m uncomfortable around them. God gave us emotions and we need them to show compassion, love and care to others. But they sure can entrap us and spin out of control.

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    1. I know that feeling of saying too little or too much. I tend to be vulnerable up to a certain point and then I start second-guessing myself. I struggle with getting close to people too. When I feel like I’ve revealed too much, I start to pull back. Definitely looking to embrace the positive side of emotions and use them as strengths rather than weaknesses. Thanks heaps for sharing.

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  2. Juni, I loved reading this post! We are the same. And, as CS Lewis said, “We read to know we are not alone.”

    I am an INTJ; a female engineer who grew up in a military family with two brothers. When I was growing up, my parents told me that crying was a sign of weakness. I learned to suppress my emotions, and only in the past few years have I started to learn to cry; to express myself at all.

    Like you, I felt like I swung to the opposite extreme – being nothing but emotions! After denying them for so long, the intensity of all my bottled emotions nearly destroyed me. I have struggled with depression, but I am – slowly! – learning how to embrace the way that I feel without allowing it to take me over. Hugs to you!

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    1. Wow, this is so great! I love that quote – so true. I’m so glad you can relate to swinging between the extremes. It will be good to get a balance and live with the best of the rational and emotional worlds, rather than being extremely one way or the other.
      Thank you so much for sharing. This comment is so encouraging!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m an ENFP, and I’m afraid I can’t relate to very much here except for the emotional rollercoaster part. I’ve always been quite emotional (not always an emotional wreck, though). Growing up, I always believed that it was good I had feelings because then I could understand other people better and connect with them better; that if I bottled up my feelings they’d erupt in the end. The one thing I can relate to in this post, though, is the sensitivity part. I am so sensitive that I am not able to face sarcasm and certain kinds of humor as well as others. When other people say mean things about people I am close to, I get very hurt, as if I were the target of their insults! I’m not sure if that applies to you, though.

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    1. Love the different perspective you bring. It’s so good that we’re all so diverse and can learn from each other. I’m sensitive in the way that if someone is sad or stressed, I tend to take on their feelings and let it affect my own. I always cry when I see other people cry, even if they’re strangers. At its worst, I cry when people are upset on TV ads. I love that feelings can help us connect and understand people, though. Thanks heaps for sharing.

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  4. I can totally relate to this too – since being diagnosed with Anxiety I am always emotional! I used to be accused of being cold hearted as well because I didn’t show my emotions so the complete change was alien to me. You might not feel like it but you’re doing fantastic – keep going and letting your emotions run free – remember that all emotions are normal and highs and lows are completely normal, don’t ever feel bed!

    It’s strange how being angry is considered normal and crying isn’t. Bear this in mind and keep going ☺

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    1. Wow, that does sound so similar. Good to know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. Loving learning more about emotions and their positive points. Thanks so much for the encouragement.

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  5. I believe that the experiences in life that provide many gifts will always be the wildest roller coaster ride filled with life lessons and personal growth. Emotions can be hard to accept but they are still personal lessons meant for our person =)

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