Poem: Self-hatred isn’t the end

I never understood depression.

I used to wonder how someone with a perfect life could struggle with depression. Someone who has everything, someone with friends and talent, someone cheerful.

But then I found out it doesn’t matter how perfect your life is if you don’t like yourself.

This poem was inspired by that thought.

Self-hatred isn’t the end

It doesn’t matter how much your life seems perfect, you’re still miserable when you hate yourself. And when people look up to you, you feel worse about yourself.

It doesn’t matter how much you have and how grateful you are, you’re still miserable when you hate yourself. And when you can’t enjoy what you have, you feel worse about yourself.

It doesn’t matter how much you achieve, you’re still miserable when you hate yourself. And when you receive praise, you feel worse about yourself.

It doesn’t matter how much you radiate sunshine, you’re still miserable when you hate yourself. And when you hide the storm clouds, you feel worse about yourself.

It doesn’t matter how much you are loved, you’re still miserable when you hate yourself. And when you can’t look those who love you in the eye, you feel worse about yourself.

It doesn’t matter how much you love God, you’re still miserable when you hate yourself. And when people say you should be happy because you’re a Christian, you feel worse about yourself.

* * *

You feel better when you know it’s okay to be real. It matters when you can show your brokenness, weakness and darkness. And you can express how you really feel.

You feel better when you know it’s okay to feel the way you do. It matters when you can sit with your pain instead of judging it. And you can wait till it passes.

You feel better when you know it’s okay to struggle with pride. It matters when you know it’s okay to do well because you’re already someone. And you can feel good about yourself.

You feel better when you know it’s okay to not please everyone. It matters when you don’t have to worry about being a burden. And you can just be yourself.

You feel better when you know it’s okay to be loved. It matters when you can let people love you despite your flaws. And you can love them in return.

You feel better when you know it’s okay to wrestle as a Christian. It matters when you can keep following God because he still loves you when you hate yourself. And one day you won’t hate yourself anymore because there will only be love love love.

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