I was playing a game of Truth with a friend. It’s Truth or Dare without the Dare. We alternated asking questions that both of us had to answer honestly. Some of the questions were silly, some were deep. One of them was philosophical: what do you think about secrets?
This is what I thought:
I have lots of secrets. There are two reasons I keep secrets.
The first reason is because I’ve got shameful things to hide. If I never did anything shameful or had things in my life I was ashamed about, I wouldn’t need to keep secrets.
The second reason is because I’m afraid people will think less of me if they knew my secrets. I keep secrets because I think less of me and reject myself. If we didn’t judge each other and ourselves, I wouldn’t need to keep secrets.
When I think about my relationship with God, though, there are no secrets and he doesn’t reject me.
The question of secrets made me think of Genesis 3. It models what our relationship with God looks like, which models what our relationships with each other should look like.
Adam and Eve had nothing to hide until they did something that brought shame. They wanted to keep it secret from God, and they hid themselves. But God didn’t want them to hide despite their shame. He called them out into the open and covered them. He didn’t reject them; he loved them.
This tells me the shameful things in my life aren’t a reason to keep secrets. It also tells me our relationship with God and with each other can be an open, honest, and secret-less one without rejection.
The reality is, though, people often reject each other and so I have something to fear. It’s taught me to keep secrets to protect myself, and instead of stepping into the open as God calls me to, I hide.
But even without the model of Genesis 3, keeping secrets doesn’t feel right to me because inside I know I feel trapped, locked up, and restricted. I feel like I can’t be myself. But when I share a secret, it feels like freedom. This tells me I’m not meant to keep secrets and I’m not meant to hide.
So what do I think about secrets? I want to have none. Even though it’s scary and rejection might come, I want to live a secret-less life.