18th January 2015, Prismacolor pencils on A3 cartridge paper
Sometimes I look around and it feels like everyone else has their place. They know who they are and where they belong, and everyone else knows this about them too. They are neat, clearly defined shapes fitting perfectly into holes made just for them.
Then I look at me and I feel like a ridiculous giant, jagged, ugly piece and I don’t fit anywhere. Sometimes I try to mould myself into a different shape and fit into a hole that isn’t mine. I’ll see a circle and want to be a circle and have their personality. I’ll see a triangle and want to be a triangle and have their talent. I’ll see a square and want to be a square and have their status. All the while I keep trying to see what fits.
I wonder: Is there a hole somewhere that fits me or do I need to change to fit a hole? I get the idea I’m supposed to sit in this tension between staying true to who God made me and letting him mould me to fit the holes he wants me to be in.
Now I’m learning to embrace my jagged edges because they mean I can fit into more than one hole. I’m learning to work with them and fit into the holes for my shape, without comparing myself to others or wanting what they have. Instead, I can appreciate all the different shapes and enjoy everyone’s gifts including my own shape and my own gifts.