Art: What’s Left of Me

What's Left of Me
What’s Left of Me – I can’t hear my voice

13th October 2015, Prismacolor pencils on A3 cartridge paper

This picture was inspired by the ‘I’m Still Here’ video clip by John Rzeznik (the front man of the Goo Goo Dolls).

In the video clip, a guy is running. At the end two people grab him, one on each arm. His shirt rips and he breaks free. This image of breaking free stuck with me and I knew I wanted to draw it because I’ve felt like that guy.

The people represent all the voices that tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. Some of these things I’ve been told are written on the dress. The voices contradict, it’s confusing, and I’m left not knowing what to do or what’s right and wrong. It feels like no matter what I do, it will be wrong. I become too scared to do anything, scared of making a wrong move.

I’ve grown up with these voices. They’ve been with me throughout my life and come from everywhere. Home, school, social media, society. The voices fight and I try so hard to please them all. I get so busy listening to them that I end up losing my own voice. When I finally try to listen to my voice, I don’t know what it says because I can’t hear it. I don’t have one.

I struggle with the voices and become a different person doing things I don’t want to do. I try to be perfect, but I want to be real. I try to write, but I don’t know what to write. I try to dream, but I don’t know if I’m allowed to dream.

The voices pull at me, holding me back. They try to tear me down and they rip me so much that it feels like there isn’t anything left of me. But as the song says, I’m still here. It gives me hope. Those voices can’t destroy me. There is a new day.

I want to break free from the voices and run out of the darkness to that new day where I can find my voice. Where I can find out who I am and what I want to say.

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13 thoughts on “Art: What’s Left of Me

  1. I can relate to this. It’s the reason I often don’t share a lot of my writing until it’s done. I also journal a lot. You have a voice….but I understand feeling voiceless….I’m currently struggling with that too. This was a very powerful post. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you so much for this amazing comment! Your understanding means a lot. I know my voice is there somewhere, just got to quieten all other voices so I can hear it – then write it. I do hope everyone knows and shares their voice, so I gotta live what I want to see.

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  2. Love your realness Juni. So thankful that no matter what the voices say and how you feel, you can KNOW without a doubt, that God always hears, even your thoughts. He hears when you feel voiceless. He is love and He knows. Praying you become more and more aware of His constant presence and His listening heart. You write beautifully. xo

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  3. “I try to be perfect, but I want to be real.”

    I can relate to so much but this one sentence really ‘brought it home’ for me. There is so much I want to share with you about this struggle, but most of all what I want you to know is that you are perfect just as you are. You are beautiful and a true treasure. This world can pull you in a thousand different directions. In your attempts to please everyone it feels like you can please no one at all. It feels like failure, and it hurts so much. Trust in the wisdom God has put into your heart. You are an amazing young woman, Juni! ❤

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    1. I’ve definitely felt pulled in a thousand different directions throughout my life. For a long time I didn’t mind though. Eventually it got too exhausting and I got too broken. So I’m very grateful for learning this lesson to be myself, even if it came through pain. Thank you!!!!!

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  4. I’ve felt the exact way! It’s just crazy! I don’t even know what direction to follow most times. But as you said, there’s still hope. Lovely art and beautiful words.

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