8th December 2015, Prismacolor pencils on A4 cartridge paper
I’m so full of swirling thoughts and feelings. I went away and took on a new role. It stretched me. I feel like I failed in every area.
I feel like I’ve had a birthday, like I’ve grown a year older. Something has changed me. I feel like a different person. I don’t even know who I am when I look in the mirror. My thoughts don’t seem to match up with what I see anymore. I feel so challenged by who I am and what I’m doing. I don’t know who this person is.
What is going on, God? I’m crying and I don’t know why. What are you doing? It hurts. It’s confusing. Am I just too full of stuff that I can’t hear you, God? I think I’d write a hundred pages before I could get everything out. I don’t even know what’s in here. There’s one big cloud inside me. I can’t see anything but it’s all there in the cloud.
I feel like I’ve gone through the waters of baptism. It’s as if I’ve been washed out on the inside. I’m exhausted and drained. And I’m wondering what’s left. What’s new? What do I have to work with now?