13th May 2016, 12th May 2016, Prismacolor on A4 copy paper
I drew this picture when I was so full of emotion that I couldn’t do anything else. I couldn’t read, write, sleep. So I drew. I needed to get the emotion out so I could function again.
I also drew because I wanted to put that emotion to some use. I wanted to use it to create something that could help me and that could help others who know what it’s like to be so full of emotion that they can’t function. It was a frustrating place to be, so I figured if I was going to feel this strongly, I didn’t want to waste it. So I channeled it into art. Into something useful.
There’s a lot of symbolism with this picture since symbols were the only way I could capture all that I was feeling.
The red is fear. The purple is mess. The black lines are the dark parts of life. The blue represents calm. The blue drops represent tears. The pink represents skin or flesh, which represents being human. The yellow represents light and the good things in life. The dark blue behind the tree is confusion. The black cloud is the unknown. The red mark on the flesh is a bruise and the black marks are fingernail impressions which represents self-punishment.
The barbed wire represents being trapped. The star represents shining by being who you are. The jagged grey line represents personality which feels like it’s always changing and hard to get a handle on. The pink heart represents the true self which is partially trapped and uncertain. The eye represents perspective and how it can be restricted and false. The gold path represents the path that is made for you. The tree represents growth.
Overall, this picture is about the confusion of how to be a human when all these different things are going on in me and around me. I’m trying to grow and be like the tree, but sometimes I just feel stuck and trapped. It felt like I wasn’t human anymore or that I didn’t want to be human anymore.