Art: What’s the Point?

What’s the Point? – I Don’t Trust Myself
What’s the Point? – I Don’t Trust Myself

14th May 2016, Prismacolor on A3 cartridge paper

When I was so full of emotion, I kept repeating certain phrases in my head. One of them was: ‘What’s the point?’

Last year was a world of pain. I felt everyone’s pain and was a mess. But when I drew this picture I felt like I was the one causing people pain. The spikes come out from me because it felt like I hurt everyone. So I thought what’s the point of even doing anything—living, going on, trying—when I just hurt people.

I thought I couldn’t even be myself and I didn’t even know myself. So what was the point of being myself or trying to be myself if I wouldn’t even know who that was? And what was the point of being myself if myself hurt people anyway? Whether I am myself or not myself, I still hurt people. So what was the point of being me in this world?

I had those thoughts again of: ‘Why am I even here? There’s no point.’

The heart represents the true self but it’s crossed out because of that feeling of being unsure of who I really was and if it really matters.

‘Sorry’ was another word I kept repeating. It felt like it was permanently in my mouth. Like a tattoo.

The one spike that pierces me represents the self-punishment and how I can hurt myself as much as I hurt others.

The black lines represent the darkness and dark mood that covers everything. They also represent the different shapes I try to be and how none of them work or are me. And the rainbow background represents life and the good things. It’s there. It’s trying to break through.

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