27th May 2016, Prismacolor on A3 cartridge paper
I drew this picture out of boredom. Sometimes I get into these moods of intense boredom with life. It’s pure melancholy and apathy. It’s frustrating and miserable. I tried to express it on paper.
I started with a pink curly line to represent skin and being human. Then I placed a black scar over it for darkness. I added beige to represent blandness and boredom. I added orange for the feeling of blah, and purple for the unknown and not knowing how to get past this stupid stage of life.
Then over the top of this mixed up background, the blue symbols just came out. A ladder to try to get past this. Out of this. A magnifying glass so I could try to inspect what I was feeling because I didn’t understand why I was in this place or what it was or how to move past it. A room because it felt like I was trapped in one and I just wanted to be left alone in my room. A door, a closed one because I didn’t want anyone to talk to me. I didn’t want to talk.
A seesaw because my emotions were all out of whack. First I was excited and then I was dark and depressed. It’s confusing. I can’t get a handle of them. And I felt sorry for people to have to deal with them. A set of scales to represent how to get balance because I went from one extreme to the other. It’s my psychology. I couldn’t get a handle of myself. It’s life. Not understanding life and how to do it. It’s feeling bad for being so bored and apathetic.
Then all the words came out on top too as I named the emotions I was feeling which is an assignment my psychologist gave me.
I’m trying to learn how to identify my feelings, name them, and not feel bad about them.
So it’s a mess but I’m also learning how to be okay with the truth of mess and to be honest about how I feel.